Crazy Love

I wrote this a few months ago before I headed out to Canada, but I would like to include this now!!

He loves me, He loves me, He loves me. He loves me, He loves me, He loves me. Through the hard times, through the painful times, in the joyous times. In the desert place and in the place of abundance. In the place Even of sin. He loves me.Wow. I have just had a realisation again of the true, life giving, all encompassing love of God. Love of Jesus. Love of the Holy Spirit. Today I did some stuff that I felt God had specifically told me not to do. It wasn't dodgy or a blatant sin but I had really felt convicted to not do or say that particular thing. An i did. Its not wrong for all but for me it just wasnt the best.Not because God was being mean or wanted to limit me but because He wants me to have life and life to the full. I could spend time comparing myself to others standards but God calls each of us to His standards and He challenges us all to different things!! He doesnt call us away from things to take from us. He calls us away am challenges us an convicts us of things cos He has better more life giving things that He yearns to bless us with. He doesn't call His sons an daughters to lead mediocre lives. His heart is for us to experience and know the goodness and the incredible all consuming love of the Father. To never walk alone and to always know that we are sought after, we are pursued, we are wanted, we belong. He doesn't want us to walk in constant guilt like its a massive chain around our neck or shackles on our feet. He wants us to recognise our sin, repent of it and allow Him, Jesus to release us from that. Forgive us, restore us to completeness. He calls us to FREEDOM!!  When we muck up (as we all do) He convicts us, yes, but He doesn't push us away. He calls us to walk closer, to seek Him, to find Him. He calls us to intimacy with Him. The only One who can ever truly fill that gap, that hole within us that we all feel at times. He calls us closer to heal us, to restore us, to complete us, to fulfill the longings that we all have within us. The story of the cross, the story of Christ, of The creator God is a love story. A love story that involves us. Love of the purest kind. Crazy love. The way it was meant to be.

Come Away My Beloved

I haven’t blogged in a very long time. I think that it’s been about 6 months. It’s been a crazy busy time of finishing my degree (Still going) and of discovering more of who The King of Glory is.

Jesus.

His name is so sweet to my lips. I am realising more and more, every day, the depth of the love that He has for me. This love is real, radical, addictive, its life changing, it’s overwhelming. Sweetly overwhelming.  It’s available for all and we don’t have to strive for it. Tasting of even a tiny bit of who Jesus is leaves you wanting more. Nothing else will satisfy and everything will seem vanilla in comparison. Every time I spend time with Him at the moment I am crying. But instead of it being tears of sadness and hurt, like it has been for a large amount of my life, these tears are tears of coming into more of an understanding of His radical, sweeping love. The kind of love that overcomes fear.  The kind of love that causes me to fall to my knees and repent. The kind of love that allows me to love people who I have never been able to trust and who have hurt me. The kind of love that fills every deepest need, longing, and every empty place. And day by day, week by week I am seeing healing in my life and in my relationships and I am seeing complete redemption and restoration in every single area of my life, some of which I thought I had moved on from. But He has dug it up and dealt with it with me. Almost like saying “Charlie, I am here to restore everything , not a little bit here and a little bit there”.

 When we walk as daughters and sons, we walk in FULLNESS. Not in half measures. Keep giving up more and more each day, keep throwing off the old and PICKING UP the new. We died with Christ in order to be raised to NEW life. So often I think we forget to pick up the new. We start by laying down our lives and saying Jesus have it, but then we don’t push in and take what is ours, what God has for us, what He yearns to give us. And that is fullness of life with Him.

Beloved He calls us. He calls you and He calls me.

Beloved stop settling for less than what is ours through Christ’s death and resurrection. Call out to Him, cry out for more, for a deeper understanding and He will answer, He will respond and He will make Himself known to you.

Something that is massively on my heart at the moment is about seeking deeper and deeper what it means to be the bride of Christ, what it means to have God as my husband. I never realised these truths until a while ago when I read Isaiah 54 which says

“…For your Maker is your husband, the Lord Almighty is His name, the Holy one of Israel is your Redeemer; he is called the God of all the earth. The Lord will call you back as if you were a wife deserted and distressed in spirit…”

When I started reading about the depth of relationship that is readily available for us in Him, in Jesus, I realised that the level of intimacy I had with Him, well it wasn’t enough, I wanted more. And so this is my journey. It is still one of joy, of continuously seeking His heavenly joy that completes me like nothing has ever completed me before. Of seeking His intimacy that nothing, absolutely nothing can compare to. Having the continued understanding that no sin, no deepest and most darkest shame can separate me from the absolute life changing, deep love of Christ. He knows me, He knows the deepest parts of me, yet HE still persues me, He calls me, He still seeks after me, He has found me. I have been found. That’s an incredible thought. Wow. No words can describe that. I pray that the revelation of that sinks deeper and deeper into me every day.

“If your eye is on the sparrow, then your heart is on me.” (Jake Hamilton – Embrace)

There is so much to write about at the moment. Something that is stirring within me at the moment and I can’t explain it, I don’t fully understand it, but I am so completely  and utterly hungry for it. It is about not being earthbound. I am so hungry for my eyes and ears and dreams to be opened to the spiritual realm, which is more realistic that the one we live in. To not live earthbound.

Ephesians 2:6 says the following:

“And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with Him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus.”

This is the foundation from which I believe that it is open and available to us. We just have to ask and to want it to be opened to us. I am not sure about so much but I am hungry, so hungry to live knowing, understanding, living and breathing in Him, in the completeness that He brings.

At the moment I am reading a book called “Come Away My Beloved”. It isn’t a normal book but it is basically got absolute biblical truths in it and as I read it I am swept away a little bit into this closet of intimate relationship that He calls all of us into. This book read along with the word, is causing me to hunger for more than I have right now. And I pray that this grows day by day. The book is by Frances J. Roberts.

COME AWAY MY BELOVED

“Come out from among them and be separate, says the Lord”. (2 Corinthians 6:17)

My beloved, you do not need to make your path, for I go before you. Yes, I will engineer circumstances on your behalf. I am your husband; I will protect you, care for you, and make full provision for you.

I know your need, and I am concerned for you; for your peace, for your health, for your strength. I cannot use a tired body, and you need to take time to renew your energies, both spiritual and physical. I am the God of battle, but I am also the One who said

“Those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength” (Isaiah 40:31).

I will teach you, as I taught Moses on the back side of the desert, and as I taught Paul in Arabia. In the same way, I will teach you, and it will be a constructive period, not in any sense wasted time. Like the summer course to the schoolteacher, it is vital to you in order to become fully qualified for your ministry.

There is no virtue in activity In and of itself –nor in inactivity. I minister to you in solitude that you may minister Me to others as a spontaneous overflow of our communion. Never labour to serve, nor force opportunities. Set your heart to be at peace and to sit at My feet. Learn to be ready but not to be anxious. Learn to say “no” to human demands and to say “yes” to the call of the Spirit. These may sometimes be at variance. Do not be distressed by the misunderstanding of people. Let me take care of them Myself. They too must learn this same important lesson, and you can help them by setting the example; but if you try to please them by answering every demand, you will both fall into the same snare.

I am a jealous God, and I am always at peace with Myself. I would have you also to be at peace with My Spirit within you. As you give Me My rightful place and do not allow others to intrude, you will be at peace with Me. Be very serious in this. I am not speaking to you lightly. I was never more earnest in any message I have brought you. Do not fail Me. I have brought you this message at various times in the past. It was never more urgent than now.

For people are experiencing a new awakening, and they are searching for My Truth more than ever. I must speak through My prophets; and if they are not set apart for Me, how can I instruct them? Yes, I will nourish you by the brook as I nourished Elijah; and I will speak to you out of the bush as I spoke to Moses and reveal My glory on the hillside as I did to the shepherds.

Come away, My beloved; be like the doe on the mountains; and we will go down together to the gardens”. 

The power of Truth in a little text I recieved the other day!!

I'm His
I'm Loved
I'm Won
I'm a Winner
I'm a Saint
I'm Alive
I'm Growing
I have Hope
I'm Redeemed
I'm Strong
I Belong
I'm Rooted
I'm Grounded
I'm on Fire
I'm no Quitter
I'm Cherished
I'm Beautiful
I'm Princess Charlie
I'm a lion (!!)
I'm a world Changer
I'm a Daughter
I'm a Fighter
I'm a Lover
I have a big loud voice that says JESUS HAVE THE GLORY. X

'As he walked along, he saw Levi son of Alphaeus sitting at his tax collectors booth. "Follow me and be my disciple" Jesus said to him. So Levi got up and followed him.'

'If we would follow Jesus we must take certain definite steps. The first step, which follows the call, cuts the disciple off from his previous existence. The call to follow at once produces a new situation. To stay in the old situation makes discipleship impossible....
Until that day everything had been different. They could remain in obscurity, pursuing their work as the quiet in the land, observing the law. and waiting for the coming of the Messiah. But now he has come, and his call goes forth. Faith can no longer mean sitting still and waiting - they must rise and follow him. The call frees them from all earthly ties, and binds them to Jesus Christ alone. They must burn their boats and plunge into absolute insecurity in order to learn the demand and the gift of Christ.' (Bonhoeffer 1959)

The above is a quote from Dietrich Bonhoeffers book 'The call to Discipleship'. I am studying it as part of my research project for uni but am finding it so challenging as well.
This chapter titled 'The call to discipleship' really excites me. Its basically about moving forwards, following Jesus, stepping out of the boat and taking risks. All in order to follow Him who gives each of us specific callings.

I think that this is a season where I am thinking a lot about my future calling. I am coming to the end of my three year youth work degree and am busy thinking and praying through the next steps. I feel like they could potentially be pretty big ones and potentially a little bit scary.  Steps that would require faith and a bit of a miracle really. But I feel the Lord building my faith and preparing me to believe for the unbelievable and seemingly unatainable. The book goes on to say 'Peter had to leave the ship and risk his life on the sea, in order to learn both his own weakness and the almightly power of his Lord. If Peter had not taken the risk, he would never have learnt the meaning of faith.' (Bonhoeffer 1959)

RISK. The big R word. Risk is scary and leaves us a bit open and a bit vulnerable but boy is it worth it in the end!!! A friend once sent me the following and whenever im feeling a bit open and a bit vulnerable at a step forwards iv just made I read this:

To laugh is to risk appearing the fool

To weep is to risk appearing sentimental

To reach out to others is to risk involvement

To expose feelings is to risk exposing your true self

To place your ideas, your dreams before a crowd is to risk their loss

To love is to risk not being loved in return

To live is to risk dying

To hope is to risk despair

To try is to risk failure

But risks must be taken, because the greatest hazard in life is to do nothing

The person who risks nothing, does nothing, has nothing, and is nothing

They may avoid suffering and sorrow, but they cannot learn, feel, change, grow, love, live

Chained by their attitudes, they are a slave, they forfeited their freedom

Only the person who risks can be free.

So I guess what I am saying is lets go for it. Lets step forwards and be risk takers and 'leave the boat', lets be people who grasp the meaning of faith, leaning on His word and His direction.

Exciting times ahead!!!!!!

Sweetness out of darkness?

This isn’t a long blog. But I just have had a few really hectic, emotion filled weeks which have some days been so busy that I haven’t had time to stop and think. Third year at uni is actually crazy. Things at home seem to have gotten a little bit messy again and my heart breaks for some of my family and the crazy sometimes insane things that are happening with them. And my heart breaks because it seems that within those situations they have no hope. No hope for change and no hope for a future filled with good and not a future of disaster but a future filled with hope.

Things are all over the place and truthfully I feel broken as well. I thought I was broken all those months ago but I feel broken all over again. But within that I feel a hope.  Within the brokenness is where God reaches deep into our hearts. It’s when we are truly broken and can sit in that for a while and realise the depth of that that we realise and understand the grace and restoration that God can bring into our lives and hearts. That acknowledgment of the brokenness is where the healing can truly begin. Because the last option when we are at our lowest place, desperate to see change and desperate to walk in lightness and not in darkness is to acknowledge our need for our heavenly fathers touch. Nothing can bring greater peace and hope and light than knowing our true need for God. This is where a certain sense of sweetness can be found.

I have no quick and easy method of how to fix messy situations. Sometimes it’s easy to just say I’ll pray about it or to tell a friend who’s broken, I’ll pray for you. Life seems more realistically harder than that. But what we can do is walk every day just releasing slowly more and more to daddy God. Trusting Him in the everyday. Releasing our hopes and dreams to him every day. Asking Him to show us His plans for our lives. And letting Him rebuild us. That’s where I am at. Slowly, slowly. The biggest blessing God has given me is my incredible friends. He has provided such an amazing support network around me. People who will speak truth into my life and gently rebuke me when needed and people who just listen and love me. Sometimes that’s all we need to be for people or need for ourselves. Is an arm around the shoulder and to hear or to say “friend I’m here walking with you.” Sometimes as well I have to admit a bit of Diet Coke and Cadburys does not go amiss!!!

I know a load of people will find this blog hard to read cos it’s a bit messy and its emotional and its real  but you know what it’s the truth that life isn’t always black and white. It can be pretty hard and we can’t always tie mess up with pretty ribbon and sit it in the corner and expect everything to be ok.  its only when we are real about it and acknowledge it that we can allow ourselves to move forwards, one step at a time trusting that our father has got us and that He brings such restoration, grace, love, healing and fullness of life to us. Also hope for an incredible future living out His crazy wild plans for our lives. More Lord.

It's about the journey, not the destination...

“In the same way, any of you who does not give up everything he has cannot be my disciple. Salt is good, but if it loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? Its fit neither for the soil nor for the manure heap; it is thrown out. He who has ears to hear, let him hear.” (Luke 14: 33-34)

Money, Sex, and Power. These are three big things that we can cultivate to be the most important things in life. To non believers they are mostly what life revolves around, and people seek joy, security and identity out of having these things. To us as believers we can so easily without even realising slip into thinking the way the world thinks and into making these things a bigger priority than God. In themselves these things are not a bad thing and can be used in many ways to glorify God. But put these things ahead of God or make these things your God and we are in a dangerous place.

I am at present sitting on a cruise liner called the Queen Mary 2. It is run by a company called Cunard cruise liners and they put on the most luxurious cruises in the world. I am on the Queen Mary from Southampton to New York and all I can say is its amazing and luxurious and comfortable but utterly ridiculous in its extravagance. Afternoon tea served by men in white jackets, massages in the spa and 5 course meals daily. Oh yeah am I enjoying myself!!!

This last week (in the lead up to coming away and whilst I have been away) God I think has decided to teach me about my love for money and about laying it down completely. He definitely has a sense of humour to do it by bringing me on this cruise but it means that the challenge is around me daily. I have many stories about the lead up to this cruise and some big big challenges that Daddy’s given me, even in the last week but it would take ages to go into them. In short, a no shopping pact, a beautiful dress my mum then bought me for £150 and then God challenging me to not accept it : ( and many other things such as these.

My god has been money. That’s been my safety, my reliance, my identity, my understanding of love, my provision. Yes its been my god. My value and self worth have a lot of the time been placed in what I own or what latest designer gear I have. Perhaps unintentionally and without realising, but its just kind of seeped in to my life.

I was sitting in the Royal theatre on board the ship last night. We were watching a fantastic show put on by the RADA company in London and the Julliard School from the states. I was looking around and the men looked fabulous in their bow ties and the ladies all dressed up in beautiful gowns and diamonds and designer handbags and shoes. This is the life, I thought to myself. Later on as I was in bed reflecting on the day I wrote the following into my journal:

“I really loved tonight Lord. And today. I have had a fabulous dinner and Louis (our new friend who dines with us every night!) even brought out a couple of bottles of champagne. It was delightful and the champagne was delicious. My worry daddy is that I love this lifestyle so much. A bit too much maybe. I love the well to do men in their tuxes and the ladies in their dresses. I love this world. If I give up on this or if I want to seek your kingdom God and kingdom things do I have to give up on this? Where do those two things meet? What’s the clash? In the worlds eyes to turn away from my love for these things is weak but in your eyes it’s the best way. I guess I am just processing where I stand and what I think.”

So this was on my mind as I lay in bed. I couldn’t switch off or sleep and so I reached for my bible and turned to the back. I wanted to find a passage on money and what Jesus had to say about it. My eye fell on a passage titles ‘The cost of discipleship’. It was from Luke 14: 33-34 and it says this:

“In the same way, any of you who does not give up everything he has cannot be my disciple. Salt is good, but if it loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? Its fit neither for the soil nor for the manure heap; it is thrown out. He who has ears to hear, let him hear.”

When Jesus called Simon and Andrew to follow him he said “Come, follow me and I will make you fishers of men.” It goes on to say that “at once they left their nets and followed him.” (Mark 1:16-18)

So these guys just put their nets down and followed Him. Mental? Crazy? Reckless? Maybe, but so important if we want to live as radical God focused and kingdom focused people. My focus just has to be God now.  I have to rely on Him and not on my parents money. This is going to be hard I can tell you now. Im not really sure as to the outworking of this (lol to the fact that im on a cruise ship in the middle of the atlantic sailing to New York) but all I know right now is what God has challenged me on and I know that action on my behalf is needed.

What am I prepared to lay down? My new black dress? Well it’s a start. How can I do this and have the strength to do this? I was drawn to this passage from Proverbs 2: 3-5 and it says this “If you call out for insight and cry aloud for understanding, and if you look for it as for silver and search for it as for hidden treasure, then you will understand the fear of the Lord and find the knowledge of God.”

Daddy God, I love that in order to speak to me, in order to show me your provision and your ability to care for me lovingly, in order to tell your little one once more that you hold her in the palm of your hand and that you have plans for me, and that im to leave whats behind, you bring me into the middle of the atlantic ocean away from everything and everyone. It is soooo perfect and so of you. Your teaching me so many lessons and teaching me to hear your voice.

REMEMBER: It’s not about the destination but about the journey…!!!

One last story:

These have been the challenges on my heart in the last week or so. I am being challenged to step away from relying on my parents for money and to rely on God more. And the other day  I opened my door to find our concierge Jerry holding an envelope. It was addressed to me. In it was two tickets to go around Manhattan and this included the transfers and the looking after of all our luggage. This is crazy for two reasons. 1st reason: it normally costs $100 each for these tickets and they came for free. 2nd reason: No one knew that me and my mum were looking into doing something like this. We had hoped to do something like this but we wernt sure if it was going to be possible in the short amount of time we had. They also came addressed to me. No one knew which were our rooms or our flight times to have been able to organise something like this. At this present time I can only put it down to one thing. Daddy showing me that he is my provider. That I don’t have to rely on my parents to provide and look after me because He will. It can only be God. There is no other explanation. Anyway I feel truly blessed by it and it’s a great encouragement  in this time of putting my trust fully in Him who is our great provider. On the mountain of the Lord, it will be provided!!!

So this is my challenge. God keeps showing me time and time again the true cost of discipleship and what this means. It is hard. And painful. And surrendering means to lose control. And not always no what the outcome will be. And it means trusting. And it means not holding onto the things that this world deem important. But out of these places of opening our hands and saying God I give you control of this comes joy. And a sweetness that I have just found to be completely beyond human understanding. I cant get my head around it. So Jesus take this love for money. I surrender a life of luxury and relying on my parents and I say I open my hand up to your plans, your purposes and great adventures following you!!

Hallelujah and Amen!!!!

One of my dearest friends writes wonderful poetry and this is one of hers...

As a girl all she needed was loving care,

All that she wanted was not there,

What she got instead were trivial things,

A car, some money, even a diamond ring.

She grew up surrounded, yet lonely still,

Bullied and broken, her confidence killed.

She ran away in the night, where to stay?

Safety and comfort in the church 'til day,

She grew as a woman always looking to love,

Even in hardship turning to Father above.

Others were blessed, even through her pain,

She learned how to smile and dance in the rain.

But inside her still the darkness gnawed,

Try as she might she felt helpless, flawed.

She struggled and toiled, needing to rest,

Always trying hard, always giving her best.

God broke into her life, told her her worth,

"You'll laugh at days to come and be filled with mirth.

Child your life it isn't a mess,

My darling, my daughter who I long to bless,

I love you my beauty beyond any measure,

Your heart is my prize, I treat it as treasure.

I know how you've suffered, been broken, worn down,

But precious, I'm building you a glorious crown.

I'll pursue you my dear, all the days of your life,

I have your plans, I'll keep you from strife.

Trust in Me love, hear what I say,

You have a fresh start, it is a new day.

Your future has hope, joy and meaning,

I'll shelter you well, you'll come out gleaming.

You'll lead lost ones to me, carry my cross,

Your life is a victory, despite all your loss.

I'm here with you now, as I always will be,

Now keep your eyes on Me, great things you will see."

 

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